Published on May 12, 2015)
You'll probably see several of my blog posts starting out with the following phrase, and there is good reason why.
When I started taking care of myself, I didn't expect (insert topic here) to happen.
The unintended consequences along this path continue to show themselves along the way. In part, it is a huge reason why I've been able to stick with it. I honestly can't wait to see what great thing is going to come next. I have been amazed at how taking care of me has affected how I take care of my family - especially, the love of my life, John.
John and I have an amazing marriage, one that I've always known I am so lucky to have. The day I married him was, hands down, the best day of my life. Of course the birth of Micah was a very close second (maybe we should call it 1.5th place instead of 2nd place) but without that first event, I would never have experienced the second.
We lived on cloud 9. After that day I was tempted to give people that as my home address.
But inevitably, as you continue on in a marriage, many things get added that take up space in that union. We have both been pursuing our professional passion, each on our own roads of medical training. In order to become the kind of physicians we want and need to be, there are times we've had to put our professional needs first. First bit of clutter.
Then add in a sweet adorable little baby.....
And all hell breaks lose.
I think all parents agree that you will NEVER really understand how much this changes every single part of your life until it happens to you. It's just not possible. Second bit of clutter (yes he's very cute clutter! but for the purposes of this discussion, still clutter).
Then add in all the ridiculous clutter - laundry, cleaning toilets, folding clothes (I HATE THIS TASK), taking the dog out, unloading the dishwasher, the list goes on and on. Clutter, clutter, clutter, CLUTTER!
It starts to get hard to see each other, amidst all the chaos around you. Taking care of that person can start to feel like another thing on the list especially when, internally, you aren't quite happy with yourself. And it can sometimes feel like you are in a hole that is hard to find a way out of. The last thing you'd ever think is the answer is focusing on yourself - but I want to tell you, it is.
Taking time for me, every day, has helped me see myself again. I knew she was in there somewhere. And in turn - I see him again, so clearly. I love him more today than I did on the day that I thought I could never love anyone more.
Today, there is no less chaos in our lives. There is more. The way I approach it is just different. The newer version of me is healthier with more clarity and confidence than the former. And she is rocking it - most of the time ;)
The old cliche is true, if you don't love yourself you can't love anyone else the way you want to love them. It has certainly been true for me. I'm so happy I finally listened.